Signals — The Travel Agency

GOLD OPENS DOORS

Yes, we are aware that our name has a tendency to give the wrong impression. We do not book cruises, nor do we arrange honeymoons. We cannot get you two weeks in Niagara Falls for sixty bucks, and if some rascal claiming to be from accounting says otherwise, do NOT give him your Social Security number.

The Travel Agency deals in transportation of a somewhat broader variety. You’ll hear plenty of fancy terminology around Headquarters about K3 surfaces and noncommutative geometry, but don’t let all that highfalutin talk get your socks in a twist. The eggheads use those words because they’re trying to describe the machinery from the outside. You’ve been traveling all throughout this rare bird, and that’s probably why you’re a little mixed up. But it’s nothing serious! We will have you all sorted out, lickety split.

Here’s what you need to understand right now… Space and time do not operate according to Hoyle. Civilians assume that you can only travel along the surface of reality but that’s not entirely true. Here at The Travel Agency, we specialize in folding the map until two distant points converge and we cross between them. Easy as banana cream pie! Haha! The mathematics is considerably less easy than pie, though, which is why we have the eggheads. Whatever you do, don’t ask one of them to explain it during lunch. They’re pretty grumpy. Except for Marvin. Marvin is never grumpy.

Do you remember Marvin?

Anywho, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. You can’t arrive at certain destinations by following a linear path. Locations, addresses, names and titles… These are surface things after all and only part of the equation. Most tenderfoots imagine that if a room exists at 1729 West Something-or-Other, then all they have to do is mosey over to 1729 West Something-or-Other and open the door. Wouldn’t that be swell? Unfortunately, most of our way stations are observer-dependent. This means that you may be standing in front of the shiny glass entry doors of an automatic carwash, but you may not presently be the person to whom the “automatic carwash” is accessible. But don’t worry, if you consult the records you may find yourself in the right shoes soon enough.

The eggheads can describe this phenomenon with crackerjack precision, and the basic theory involves geometric structures that permit coordinates which appear disconnected locally to unite under higher-dimensional transmutations. But Personnel has a more digestible explanation:

Sometimes the door doesn’t know you… Yet.

When that happens, don’t blow your top, you’ll only hurt your head. Go onward and upward, traveler! If you stay cool and keep on keeping on, you’ll eventually loop back around with the key.

Anywho, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. You can’t arrive at certain destinations by following a linear path. Locations, addresses, names and titles… These are surface things after all and only part of the equation. Most tenderfoots imagine that if a room exists at 1729 West Something-or-Other, then all they have to do is mosey over to 1729 West Something-or-Other and open the door. Wouldn’t that be swell? Unfortunately, most of our way stations are observer-dependent. This means that you may be standing in front of the shiny glass entry doors of an "automatic carwash," but you may not presently be the person to whom the “automatic carwash” is accessible. But don’t worry, if you consult the records you may find yourself in the right shoes soon enough.

The eggheads can describe this phenomenon with crackerjack precision, and the basic theory involves geometric networks that permit coordinates which appear disconnected locally to unite under higher-dimensional transmutations. But Personnel has a more digestible explanation:

Sometimes the door doesn’t know you… Yet.

When that happens, don’t blow your top, you’ll only hurt your head. Go onward and upward, traveler! If you stay cool and keep on keeping on, you’ll eventually loop back around with the key.